Chef Julio is a winner

Wilmington chef Julio Lazzarini may have gotten "Chopped" last night on the Food Network, but he emerged from the TV reality culinary competition as a true winner.

Lazzarini, owner of Orillas Tapas Bar & Restaurant on Market Street, showed poise, professionalism, dedication and respect for his craft. He made Delaware's culinary community extremely proud.

It was a pleasure to watch the 34-year-old, a student of nuevo Latino cuisine who once trained under celebrity chef Douglas Rodriguez, calmly move in the kitchen and perform with grace under pressure.

Lazzarini stayed true to his food, but he also thought fast on his feet. There was no trash talking from the chef - just a clear, steady aim to cook the best food he could.

At one point, Lazzarini said he was "definitely feeling the pressure of the clock." But he didn't let it show.

Indeed, his clear diligence even earned the admiration of judges Aaron Sanchez and Scott Conant, two very demanding chefs who are not often given to praise. They were clearly impressed by Lazzarini's talents.

"Chopped" is a TV cooking competition where four chefs are handed a basket of "mystery" ingredients that they have to turn into a meal in a short amount of time. At the end of each round, one chef is "chopped" until the last one standing collects $10,000.

The first round called for using beef shoulder (a tough cut that is better suited to long cooking periods), Asian fish sauce and canned pumpkin.

Lazzarini turned out a seared beef dish with a Korean inspired barbecue that Conant praised: "I think the sauce is special. The Korean barbecue was really tasty."

The second round required the use of flounder, watermelon, plantains and baby bok choy.

Lazzarini whipped up lemon glazed flounder. "Delicate, extremely flavorful," Sanchez cooed, though Lazzarini was chastised for having bones in his fish filet.

"You can tell he's trying very hard," Conant added.

Lazzarini moved onto the dessert round which called for a 30-minute dessert made with tomatillos, creme fraiche and plain doughnuts. Yowsa.

When competitor New York chef Marc Spooner sliced his finger - and began bleeding on the cutting board - it looked liked Lazzarini was walking away with the cash.

But the judges chose Spooner's doughnut fritters over Lazzarini's French toast inspired doughnut dessert.

Still, it was a very close battle and Conant said the two chefs were "neck and neck."

Last night, I dropped into Orillas before the show. Outside of the restaurant, Lazzarini was cooking a huge pan of paella for customers who had stopped in watch the show.

No amount of nudging or prodding would get him to tell us how he did, but Lazzarini had a huge smile on his face as he served up a wonderful paella made with mussels, clams and chorizo.

With Chef Lazzarini, it's all about the food. And that makes him - and his customers - winners.

Chopped or crowned?

Tune in to the Food Network on Tuesday to see if Wilmington chef Julio Lazzarini walks away with $10,000 or gets "Chopped."

Lazzarini, owner of Wilmington’s Orillas Tapas Bar & Restaurant, is one of four contestants on the food competition series that airs at 10 p.m.

"Chopped" challenges four chefs to turn mystery ingredients into a dish. According to the web site, the chefs are cooking with whole calamari, bison meat and ancho chilies.

Plates are judged on taste, creativity, and presentation.

After each course, a contestant gets "chopped" until the chef left standing collects the cash.

The show was taped in April in New York City and Lazzarini is sworn to secrecy about the outcome.

But he does have a viewing party planned Tuesday at the Market Street restaurant. Call 427-9700 for more information.

Gosselins revisited

I did catch the season premiere of "Jon & Kate Plus Eight" and found it to be downright painful TV.

While I'm a self-admitted reality show junkie - a habit I'm trying, unsuccessfully, to kick - the raw emotions of a marriage falling apart in front of a ratings-grabbing national audience was beyond sad.

And I still don't really get the appeal of this show. I was at a party once where some guy (!) was talking about this show with the kind of enthusiasm that some people show for football or baseball. Weird.

But what do I know? I love "The Real Housewives of New York."

Back in September 2008, I interviewed Kate Gosselin while she was on a press tour in New York.

At first she seemed guarded, but after a few minutes, she was funny and seemed very sincere and not at all snippy, though we were mostly talking about sandwiches, lunches, shopping and not about allegations that her husband was apparently stepping out on her with a 23-year-old third grade school teacher.

Here's the story - can you find any read-between-the-line clues as to what was really going on when cameras weren't rolling?

The queen of the brown-bag lunches
With eight kids, TV celeb Kate Gosselin packs plenty

By PATRICIA TALORICO
The News Journal

Kate Gosselin treasures her sleep.

You may already know that if you've watched the popular TLC TV series "Jon & Kate Plus Eight" which chronicles the life of the central Pennsylvania woman, her husband, Jon, and their energetic sets of multiples - 4-year-old sextuplets and 7-year-old twins.

When it comes to packing school lunches for eight kids - and that means going through a loaf of bread each day - Gosselin likes to get it out of the way the night before.

"I know the crazy morning," says the 33-year-old, whose day begins with getting together 56 pieces of clothing for the children, cooking 16 pancakes, cleaning 80 sticky fingers and tossing in five loads of laundry.

If she wasn't a pack-it-the-night-before mom, "I'd have to get up a half hour early. I'm not a morning person," says Gosselin by telephone last week from New York, where she is working with the Grain Foods Foundation to encourage moms to pack lunches for themselves and their families.

While she and Jon share parental duties, Kate is charge of the cooking and nutrition.

"I've always cooked for Jon and I. When the girls [7-year-old twins Cara and Mady] were little, it was very important for me. I want to know what I'm putting into them," she says of the rest of the brood which includes sextuplets Alexis, Aaden, Collin, Leah, Hannah and Joel.

Gosselin buys organic foods whenever she can and says she is lucky to live close to Lancaster County. "The Amish community is less than 10 minutes away, and I go to a wonderful produce grower."

The advantage of a large family: "You're never eating food that's not fresh," she jokes.
The disadvantage? A big grocery bill. Just don't ask Gosselin how much she spends each week on food.

"People always ask that, and I honestly don't know. I shop at so many different places, and we do a lot of bulk shopping. I try never to buy stuff that isn't on sale."

Despite the TV show and the attention it brings, the Gosselins are determined that their children have "a normal, happy childhood."

When she makes sandwiches, Gosselin likes to change the shape of the bread. Sometimes she'll even cut the bread into the shape of the first letter of each child's name. In school lunches, she also adds "a little love note" - each one individually written. "I try not be repetitive."

Her children are like any others, and they often go through finicky phases. "Mady went through a no-cheese, no-yogurt phase," she says.

Gosselin tries to give them choices at lunch time - "Cara and Mady will make special requests," she says - but when it comes to dinner, the mother of eight is clear that she is not a short-order cook. They eat what she has made for dinner or they don't eat at all.

"I don't give the kids an option."

The children's tastes change often, but one flavor the whole family enjoys is Gosselin's homemade hummus.

"I love it. That is one thing that goes over so well. It's funny, Collin's middle name is Thomas and he thinks when we say 'hummus' we're really saying Thomas. So he thinks it's named for him.

Now, we all call it Thomas," she says, chuckling.

Life at home is getting a little easier, though Gosselin admits "I'm not always patient. I try, and I'm having a lot of fun. It's very loud and it's moment by moment. But the kids are wanted, and I have so much fun with them."

The 4-year-olds are in pre-kindergarten this year, and the twins, who turn 8 in October, are in second grade.

"I feel old. I can't believe this has gone by so quickly," Gosselin says. "The other day Jon said, 'Mommy, you have second-graders now.'"

"Real Housewives" inspire Del. restaurant design

An episode of the Bravo TV series "The Real Housewives of Orange County" -- c'mon now, you know you've watched this silly, yet completely addictive reality show franchise that features some of the most self-absorbed and deluded women on the planet -- was the inspiration for a wine bottle/water fountain/sculpture at the new Capers & Lemons restaurant.

While waiting for a table recently at the red hot Mill Creek area Italian eatery -- wow! when is there not a crowd at the restaurant?!? -- a friend was admiring the extremely cool wine bottle fountain in the foyer at the host stand.

We were told that the piece was inspired by a much larger sculpture installed in the contemporary California restaurant, Javier's.

Javier's Cantina & Grill - which recently moved from Laguna Beach to Newport Beach - is where the spray-tanned, Botoxed and surgery-enhanced Orange County ladies have liked to lunch, show off their designer duds and drink margaritas.

"Chopping Block" is 86'ed

NBC's low-rated series "Chopping Block" has gotten chopped.

No big surprise. I wanted more of star chef Marco Pierre White, but found the rest of the series to be a real yawner. This was no "Top Chef."

Where's Andre?

Word on the street is that Tim Gunn, the guru of Bravo TV's "Project Runway," was spotted this morning at the Wilmington Train Station.

Anyone see Mr. Gunn out and about on a fashion emergency? Heavens to Betsy is someone daring to wear shoulder pads, "Mom" jeans or a track suit - in public?

Sorry, but there's no way you can make that work.

The fabulous Mr. Gunn, whose duty in life is to correct fashion faux pas, isn't a First State newcomer.

He was at Rehoboth Beach's Browseabout Books in July 2007 to promote his book, "A Guide to Quality, Taste and Style."

And Gunn has Delaware ties. His mom lives in Bethany Beach.

If you see Gunn, email me at ptalorico@delawareonline.com.

"Top Chef" guest judge critically injured

British actress Natasha Richardson, who appeared as a guest chef on "Top Chef: New York" this past season, (12 Days of Christmas episode) is in critical condition in a Montreal hospital after being severely injured in a skiing accident in Quebec, according to published reports.

People.com and IrishCentral.com reported that the Tony award-winning actress and wife of Liam Neeson (pictured to the left) suffered a head injury Monday and is in a Montreal hospital.

People.com said Richardson was initially taken to a hospital near the luxury Mont Tremblant ski resort in Quebec, and was later transferred to the Montreal hospital.

A family member confirmed Richardson had had a skiing accident.

"We know that she has had an accident but we really do not know any more details," said Kika Markham, who is married to Richardson's uncle, Corin Redgrave. "We are very concerned."

Richardson, 45, is the elder daughter of Oscar-winning actress Vanessa Redgrave and the late director Tony Richardson, and belongs to a British acting dynasty.

UPDATE: So heart-breakingly sad. Natasha Richardson dies at age 45.

Reader mail, The Chopping Block other thoughts

Happy Friday. This has seemed like the longest week ever - I haven't caught up yet with the clock-changing - and I'm so glad the weekend is upon us.

What's up with you? I'm cooking some French bistro style dishes, among other things.....

A reader asked if I would be recapping The Chopping Block, the new NBC culinary competition series hosted by Marco Pierre White.

"It really does seem like a pretty cool way of doing the restaurant show," he wrote. "It seems better than the Hell's Kitchen thing, which is more of a study in yelling and less of a show about real restaurant people earning a reward."

I taped CB since I was at the Patti LuPone/Mandy Patinkin show on Wednesday. I gave it a quick look, but would really like to give it another viewing.

Marco Pierre White has a quiet anger that I find much more frightening and chilling than the yappy dog, profanity-laced hissy fits thrown by short-tempered, plate-thrower Gordon Ramsay. (My late dad was a very easy-going guy, but he also perfected the calm, quiet fury 'tude. It could be downright Michael Corleone don't-mess-with-me scary. I could so relate to one contestant who said that a disappointed look from White "pierced the soul.")

I'm enjoying White's armchair, almost professorial approach to food. And I like the food critics judging the contestants. (This past week it was Corby Kummer from The Atlantic, whom I've met before and he's exactly like he was portrayed on TV.)

It'll be interesting to see how contestants Samantha Johnson and her mother, chef Angiebrown, will fair. They own the Philadelphia restaurant Soul, which recently got a one Liberty Bell rating (hit-or-miss) from The Philadelphia Inquirer's Craig LaBan.

What do you think, Second Helpers? Want to read Chopping Block recaps?

In other news:

Veritas Wine & Spirits is a new liquor store - with a six-seat tasting bar - at the Wilmington Riverfront. It sells about 150 wines, 35 beers and 35 spirits. There's also a seating area where customers can page through beverage-related books and magazines. .

Owner Venu Gaddamidi says "We try to showcase varietals and beers that the ordinary drinker may not be used to at prices that we all can appreciate."

Coming soon are wine classes, catering services and more.

Free stuff alert! On Friday, March 20, Rita's Water Ice chain is holding its 17th annual First Day of Spring Italian Ice giveaway. Go to a Rita's that day and "scoop up" a free 10-ounce cup of Italian ice.

Onto the mailbag. Remember You Ask. We Answer. Every Friday. Email me at ptalorico@delawareonline.com.

(Note to reader who sent me the cheese email: I accidentally deleted your letter (sorry!) Please resend and I'll get the answer.)

THE LAYERED LOOK AT LUCKY'S

QUESTION: Patricia, I just ate the lasagna blue plate special [at Lucky's Coffee Shop], and OMG! Smooth, silky cheese, just the right amount of tomato, not too stiff, not too loose, perfectly seasoned. Ordering lasagna can be chancy at most Italian restaurants, but this was a 10.
Darren

ANSWER: Wow, Darren, that's some endorsement! No offense to Lucky's, which I like very much, but I don't think I would have given the lasagna there a shot. I usually get the burgers or sandwiches or pancakes.

But, there you go, readers, lasagna at Lucky's was a lucky choice.

LOVE THOSE BLACK LAB LOAVES

QUESTION: I totally agree with you about Black Lab Breads. Everything they make is wonderful. Just try and get some pizza bread when the Eagles are playing! They make the best challah anywhere in the city, and we've tried them all.
Beryl Gamiel

ANSWER: I try to stay away Beryl, but when the crusty loaves at Black Lab Breads start calling my name, I'm there faster than dough rises. I'm so happy that Delaware has a caring bread baker like Barry Ciarrocchi.

"Top Chef" casting call Wednesday in Philadelphia

Should Carla have taken her "hootie hoo" and gone home?

Did Fabio get further along on his good looks and charm rather than his cooking abilities?

Think you're a better chef than Hosea, dude to the right just named the winner of "Top Chef: New York"?

Prove it.

The Bravo TV series "Top Chef," returning for a sixth season, is now holding open calls for chefs interested in competing in the culinary competition series .

A Philadelphia casting call will be held Wednesday, March 4, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. at XIX NINETEEN at Park Hyatt at the Bellevue, 200 S. Broad St.

Visit http://www.nineteenrestaurant.com/

Liz Alper, a casting assistant with Magical Elves, which produces "Top Chef", says that chefs should bring along copies of their resume, photos of themselves and photos of food that they make as well any articles that have been written about them.

This is just a "meet and greet," Alper says. No cooking is involved. She expects about 100 people.

Additional casting information is available at www.BravoTV.com/casting.

The man who made Gordon Ramsay cry

British chef Gordon Ramsay is all bluster and bad words. While he may come off as the kitchen's baddest bad boy, he learned much of his schtick and cooking chops from master chef Marco Pierre White.

White's a legend in the culinary word. This chef's chef once threw a pan of risotto at a young Mario Batali who worked with him at a London pub.

Batali - before quitting - paid him back by dumping handfuls of salt into White's simmering pots.

And perhaps the most famous White story is the day he made fledging chef and former protege Gordon Ramsay cry.

Now White's bringing his expertise to this side of the pond. His show "The Chopping Block" premieres March 11. (Here's some more info about White.)

Something to think about if you're going through "Top Chef" withdraw.

"Top Chef" Carla serves up chat stew: FINALE UPDATE

Carla, or Beaker, as we like to call her here at Second Helpings, spills some "Top Chef" secrets in a Washington Post chat.

Tonight's the finale. Sigh. No more crazy eye-popping from our favorite muppet.

Will Beaker be the Queen (Aunt) Bea of the kitchen?

FINALE UPDATE: I'm underwhelmed and slightly disappointed...The best part of this episode was the return of past contestants Richard, Casey and Marcel to work with the Final Three as sous chefs.

Carla proves to be a follower (of sous-chef Casey, who gets her off her game with a lame, and tough, sous-vide beef dish) rather than a leader. The "Top Chef" win slips out of her hands.

It's now a Battle of the Baldies.

I'm distracted for part of this episode by the red sore or pimple on Stefan's head. Also, what the heck was he thinking with that goofy ice cream and lollipop last course that doesn't win over many tastebuds? Darn, no molecular gastronomy techniques from his sous Marcel, who looked like a complete moron walking into the New Orleans courtyard wearing oversize aviator sunglasses. (And, whoa! did Stefan really call Marcel a four-letter vulgarity that I'm not going repeat here?? How did that NOT get edited out?)

But who knew that this season's cockiest chef could be such a Mister Softee? It was touching when Stefan comforted and hugged the teary-eyed Carla. I knew I liked Stefan.

So the win goes to....... a very smug Hosea, who very weirdly congratulates himself in the third person. Yeah. Whatever.

Like I said, underwhelming.

I hope next week's reunion special is more interesting.

Top Chef recap

Sneaky, sneaky.

Those "Top Chef" producers threw us a curve ball by bringing back the last three kicked-off contestants - Leah, Jamie and Jeff - for a get-back-in-the-game challenge judged by the understated, low-key Mr. Lagasse.

(He's been in a catch phrase recovery program for some time and it's seems to be working. Not once did he scream "Bam!" Someone give Emeril a gold coin.)


But wasn't it strange, and awkward, that the Final Four had to sit and watch the other three cook a Cajun-Creole inspired dish with crawfish? And didn't everyone looked cold sitting on a picnic bench drinking what looked like a pitcher of beer? (Kind of a low rent moment. Did Padma, Tom and Emeril lock them out of the mansion?)


Cracked me up that right after the judges tasted Leah's crawfish soup, she started chugging a beer. Woo-hoo, way to get into the Mardi Gras spirit, Leah!


Jamie's corn cake, collard greens and crawfish looked good, but Southern-born Jeff scores with grits and crawfish and gets a second chance.

Elimination Challenge was one for the brave - make two Creole dishes and a cocktail for a New Orleans krewe. (No one is harsher than the locals when it comes to hometown eats.)

It immediately reminded me of a cookbook by Louisiana author Marcelle Bienvenu: "Who's Your Mama, Are You Catholic & Can You Make a Roux?"


Have you ever tried to make a good, dark roux? There's a delicate balance between dark and rich and burned. Lots of stirring going on and you have to be careful of splattering. Get some on your skin and you'll find out real fast why Louisiana chefs call it Cajun napalm.

If you're looking for New Orleans-style cuisine locally, check out Cajun Kate's or Saint George's Country Store.



Most of the chefs stepped up to the plate, but Stefan's cocky act has grown more stale than a three-day old beignet. I want to play poker with Chef Tom Colicchio because he's not one to hide his emotions. Colicchio might want to see an ophthalmologist after all the eye-rolling going on while he was listening to Stefan - or should we call him Old Smoky, given the amount of cigarette breaks he took this episode? - explain that he doesn't care that roux in his gumbo wasn't dark enough.

But the Battle of the Baldies continues - Stefan stays and so does Hosea (who you know so wants to clock Stefan.) Hosea's menu - duck andouille and chicken gumbo, pecan-crusted catfish and a hurricane with Grand Marnier and rum - was the one I would want to eat first.

Jeff's good looks earned him plenty of beads (and maybe a few flashes?), but his mojito and oysters weren't enough to win this one. Bye-bye (again) Blonde Guy.

Fabio - whose car is like "poo" just in case you missed that line -fails to impress with homemade pasta and maque-choux. (And, hmmmm, just what is a bell pepper martini anyway?) The European Union is split when Mr. Charming Accent Guy can't spin a plate of spaghetti and has to say "Ciao." And for that, I'm truly sorry. But I don't think we've seen the last of Fabio. He's way too entertaining. And he's William Shatner's personal chef.

The not-so big surprise of the night is that Carla - Carla! - gets a big ole "hootie hoo" from the judges. She takes home the car and earns the No. 1 spot for her oyster stew, beignets and alcohol-free beverages.

Only one episode left. Is it Beaker's game to lose?

Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez.

"Top Chef" Big Easy smackdown: Who will be the Final Two?

I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to tonight's "Top Chef." The final four cheftestants are heading to the Big Easy (or will this be the Big Queasy?) and the guest judge - who will send two chefs packing - is Emeril Lagasse.

UPDATE: HERE ARE SOME NEW ORLEANS RECIPES FROM TODAY'S STORY INCLUDING LAGASSE'S SHRIMP ETOUFFEE.

Lagasse has gotten a bad rap in the culinary world. And it's mostly due to his old Food Network series "Emeril Live." For sure, it was cartoonish, hard to watch TV with way too much garlic flinging, camera mugging and overused taglines like "Pork Fat Rules" and "Let's Kick It Up a Notch."

It's unfortunate because I've interviewed Lagasse often over the past 12 years, visited the "Emeril Live" set twice and eaten at his New Orleans restaurants. (One of the best meals of my life - with the best service - was at Emeril's flagship eatery in New Orleans' Warehouse District.)

Lagasse's a nice man, down-to-earth with a great sense of humor, and is extremely knowledgeable about food and wine. What I've always liked about Emeril is that he looks you in the eye when he talks - you have his complete attention - and he seems geninuely interested in what you have to say. Now, this isn't saved for members of the press. I've seen him do it with fans and others. What can I say? I like the off-camera Emeril. Haven't yet seen his new series "Emeril Green."

The photo above, and the one to the right, was taken last year at "Emeril Live" in New York when photographer Suchat Pederson and I were doing a story on Masaharu Morimoto. He was a guest on one of the last "Emeril Live" episodes

Second Helpings reader Katie sent me an email:

"If you have time today, I think that it would be great for you to post a little something about 'Top Chef' in advance of tonight's semifinal."

"I challenge you to pick the winner today (OK, Stefan, that was easy) ... hmm, how about placing the final four in the order you think they'll finish?"

Katie's picks:

4th - Hosea

3rd - Beaker/Carla (love her but in what universe was she a model?)

2nd - Fabio

1st - Stefan.

"I could see Stefan choking under intense weight of his own ego, in which case I give it to Fabio," she writes.

Good choices. I have no idea how this season is going to play out. I'm gunning for Stefan - I think he's shown the best cooking chops so far - and who doesn't love the always charming Fabio?

But I think there's going to be an upset.....

My picks:

4th - Fabio (sorry, my Italian friend!)

3rd - Hosea

2nd - Stefan

1st - Carla

Let's hear what you have to say. Comment, comment, comment.

Top Chef recap

Don't serve undercooked eggs and diluted hollandaise sauce to Jacques Pepin.

Doing just that left Leah with egg on her face. No Bourbon Street booging for her. Hosea, Stefan, Carla and Fabio will be heading to New Orleans to challenge the tastebuds of guest judge Emeril Lagasse.

Here are Pepin's thoughts on last night's "Top Chef." The photo of the famed PBS TV cooking icon was taken by Suchat Pederson at a private gathering at the Hotel du Pont on May 6, 2005.

And some news on a "Top Chef" spinoff.

"Top Chef" casting

Think you've got better slicing, dicing and sauteing skills than Fabio, Stefan and Hosea?

Then get ready to pack up your knives and go.

"Top Chef", the Bravo TV Emmy and James Beard Award-winning series, currently in its fifth season, is holding an open call in Philadelphia for chefs interested in competing in the high-stakes culinary competition series.

Head to XIX Nineteen at Park Hyatt at the Bellevue on March 4 from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Visit http://www.nineteenrestaurant.com/.

"Top Chef" is on pace to record its highest-rated season ever, scoring 2.28 million adults 18-49 and 3.22 million total viewers with Jan. 28 episode, which was the series' highest rated non-finale telecast ever.

The series is up 18 percent among adults 18-49 and total viewers, versus season four.

Top Chef recap

Didn't recap last week's "Top Chef" episode, but let me say I was so happy to hear Fabio complain about sleeping on a bunk bed or as he called it, a "bunky" bed.

The "bunky" bed situation has been a pet peeve for me for some time. I can't believe Bravo can't spring for better sleeping arrangements.

Oh, and Blonde Guy got the boot last week and I didn't mind seeing him go.

OK, onto last night's show and let me get two things off my chest, pronto:

- Never thought I'd miss Gail, but I'm done, done, done, done! with judge Toby "Stupid Comments" Young. His "Pablo" escolar remark just about sent me over the edge. Dude, you're not clever, or amusing, and you're certainly no Ricky Gervais. I hope the producers chalk this up as an unhappy marriage - a la first season host Katie Lee Joel - and divorce Young.

- Tattoo Girl (Jamie) was borderline disrespectful to judge Eric Ripert and, sorry, she doesn't yet have the cooking chops or reputation to take on one of the best chefs in the country. She didn't tell him to his face that she was "bored" with his food - but she did say it to the camera, which is the same thing.

Quickfire Challenge was filleting fish. Never done it. Well, I've never done it well. That's why God made fish mongers for us non-toque wearers.

I got a little squeamish watching the blood and guts fly during the sardine slicing. And what was with Beaker (Carla) putting on the "dumb gal" Southern accent - channeling Paula Deen, perhaps? - when she screwed up? And Leah quitting in the middle of slicing the arctic char? In front of Eric "Fish God" Ripert? Are you kidding me? I don't get these two numskulls at all.

The final round was the Battle of the Baldies - Stefan versus Hosea. I was rooting for Stefan, who had his best "Dieter from Sprockets" moment this season. Pounding a nail into an eel's head and skinning it while it was still squirming was just another day in Germany for my favorite cocky chef, who was clearly showing a "tiresome" attitude toward Hosea.

Unless he does something really stupid - like trying to shave someone's head - my money's on Sprockets to take it home this season.

Elimination Challenge was reproducing one of the dishes Ripert served at Le Bernardin. This, my friends, was a very difficult and nerve-wracking challenge.

You so knew Hosea was going down when he went on and on about how he's runs a seafood restaurant and he knows fish..blah, blah, blah.....Shut it, baldie. You got bested by your arch nemesis Stefan.

But it was actually Jamie who got the judge's knife for serving up salty celery. Payback for trash talking Ripert? That seems to be "Top Chef" karma.

Top Chef recap

So does anyone else think that when the chefs are standing in front of Judges' Table, everyone has a look on their face like they've been called to the Principal's office?

That thought crossed my mind during this episode, which was my favorite so far this season.

I'm a huge Dan Barber fan - this week's guest judge - and his philosophy of using fresh, local, seasonal ingredients. Farm-to-fork eating isn't new, but Barber takes it to a whole new level.

The twist at Quickfire Challenge was actually the opposite of the later theme of using fresh and local ingredients - first, contestants had to take canned/processed foods and make them tasty.

Now, this takes some true creativity.

I was a little put off with Radhika's "housewives" comment, something about "housewives" - and geez, isn't that a dated word?- just open a can and call it dinner. Kid, you just offended every stay-at-home mom out there, but I guess we'll just chalk it up to indiscretion of youth.

Tattoo Girl didn't even put any effort into this challenge with her bruschetta- oh, excuse me, Miss Elitist I'm Not Using Anything But Farm Fresh Ingredients. She bores me. I wish she would just take her scallops and go home.

But it turned out to be the Battle of the Baldies - with a peeved Hosea versus Stefan, the Biggest Ego in the European Union.

Hosea also has started to bug me - for no real reason other than he's seems like a 6-foot-something whiny little girl - and I'm glad he lost. What a big dummy for handing over his Spam. Dude, this is a competition! Does Michael Phelps slow down in the pool to help out an opponent? Nope. And that's why he has more gold medals than anyone else. Hosea, go cry on Leah's shoulder. (Just don't tell your girlfriend!) Lesson learned: Sharing the Spam will come back to bite you.

Stefan's smug mug when he won gave me a much needed laugh. I dunno, I have a soft spot for cocky chefs.......and this guy has proven he can cook.

Elimination Challenge should have been a chef's dream. Go to a farm run by a thoughtful, critically-acclaimed chef, get the best ingredients possible and make a meal. (So why did so many contestants keep crying the blues that they couldn't shop at Whole Foods? What's UP with that?)

Every good chef will tell you, when you have great ingredients all you really need to do is let the flavors shine and, basically, stay out of the way. Add only what is needed to enhance, not mask, the taste.

Chef Tom and Dan Barber made many salient points - basically that you honor and respect the pig, chicken, lamb that you will be eating. There's a wonderful London chef named Fergus Henderson who feels the same way. He wrote a book called The Whole Beast: Nose to Tail Eating that basically calls for using every part of the animal or vegetable that has been sacrificed to sate your appetite.

I had the privilege of writing about Henderson for a magazine piece and eating at his fantastic St. John restaurant - we sat near Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale, but that's another story - and it was amazing.

He made tongues and kidneys taste wonderful and I had one of the best pork dishes of my life there.

But I regress, so back to the episode: Tom and Dan are ticked that Leah, Hosea and Adriane take fantastic baby lamb and muck it up with bad butchering skills, too many spices and inconsistent meat rolling and tying. It's all about respect and they certainly didn't show it. And there's no sympathy for Blonde Guy's lackluster pork - (What would Fergus Henderson say?) - and Fabio's pesto-laden pork ravioli. Fabio, how could you?

I'm still not feeling the love for new judge Toby Young, but a part of me wanted to reach inside the TV and give him a hug when he waxed poetic about pork, and Tom got an air smooch when he talked about pork skin and bone-in meat. (Why the lovey-doveys? I just wrote a story about the beauty of a picnic pork shoulder. What timing!)

Tattoo Girl, Beaker, and Stefan make chicken taste like chicken and get the win.

Adriane gets throw under the bus by crybaby couple Hosea and Leah, the judges knife her for pitful butchering skills and it's back to Jersey for Cougar Lady.

Still doesn't seem right to me. Where's the justice this episode?

Top Chef recap - update

At first, I thought everyone was confusing new judge Toby Young - whom Padma called a "renowned food critic" - with A.A. Gill, one of the sharpest pens working for British newspapers.

Gill, a well-known if not infamous restaurant critic, once called f-bomb dropping Gordon Ramsay a wonderful chef, but "a second-rate human being." Ramsay paid Gill back by kicking him out of one of his restaurants - along with his companion Joan "Dynasty" Collins. The British press made hay out of those headlines for quite a while.

Young is probably best remembered, here in the U.S., for his book "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People." The movie based on the book starring Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead) came and went at the box office.

But Young has indeed been a hired fork for U.K. publications. Right now, though, I'm not sure if he's the right fit for "Top Chef."

I understand why Bravo wants to spice up the judges panel with a witty, sharp-tongued Brit. (The vanilla blandness of off-on-her-honeymoon judge Gail is way worse than making a dessert with Diet Dr. Pepper.)

But does any miss Ted Allen like I miss Ted Allen? And where, oh, where is Tony Bourdain when we need him?

The verdict is still out on Young. (NOTE: AS I watched the episode again, I must admit, he began growing on me.)

Elimination challenge had a nice twist with contestants tasting and judging dishes and then watching as others critiqued what they cooked.

High- and lowlights of this episode:

Fabio dissing Tattoo Girl (Jamie) for, once again, using scallops. "This is 'Top Chef' it's not 'Top Scallops.'"

Did you notice that accordian music played in the background when Fabio was on screen? I'm sure opera is next, because, you know, all they listen to in Italy is accordian music and opera. (And, yes, my tongue is firmly in my cheek.)

Was it really necessary to hear that Eugene's kid is now using the bathroom? TMI.

Fennel, orange and olives is an excellent combination - try it sometime - so nice to see Jamie take the win home this week. Even with scallops.

But Stefan's duck and red cabbage looked really good. I'm with Chef Tom on this one. This is a dish I would want to eat.

Blonde Guy's avocado sorbet being likened, by Young, as "Tom Cruise's cameo in 'Tropic Thunder' - an unexpected treat. "

Eugene's bizarre blend of daikon fettucine with tomato and basil - and being surprised that few liked his "creative" food.

Bangs Girl - what is her name? Melissa? - and her fish tacos that "tasted a bit like cat food." (OK, this made me laugh because Melissa said she wanted to put her personality in her food and I guess that means her personality is Little Friskies?)

"I don't think risotto makes a good garnish. Risotto is a dish." - Chef Tom.

Beaker's (OK, Carla's) idea to layer flavors and "love" (Was she having a 60s flashback?)

Two went down this week:

Melissa gets 86'ed for a "failure of imagination" and Eugene rejoins his potty training family for offending Chef Tom by overcooking red snapper.

Honor thy fish or get the steel boot.

Top Chef recap

Was last night's episode a gift or a big lump of coal?

I'm leaning toward coal.

First off, it's kind of goofy the way the cheftestants have to act like it's Christmas when, in reality, it was really Christmas in July or August or some other warm weather month.

And those holiday decorations? Cheese-ball. I also hated that the theme for the Elimination Challenge was based on the 12 Days of Christmas. Bigggggg, strettttccchhhh...

And since I'm so cranky this morning, why is everyone still sleeping in bunk beds? (Geez, what is the Bravo budget?) I know I've harped on this before, but you really shouldn't have to sleep in a bunk bed pass the age of 12.

OK, I just took a Christmas cookie/coffee break to settle down my inner Crankenstein.

Now onto guest judge and my favorite ex-con Martha Stewart.

Let me say, I adore Mrs. Stewart. (Photo above is Martha at Winterthur's Point-to-Point with George "Frolic" Weymouth.) She's a control freak wack-a-doodle, but she's my control freak wack-a-doodle.

There's nothing warm and cuddly about Martha. Nada. Zilch. She's the complete opposite of Paula Deen, whom I like to think of as a salty Mrs. Santa. And that's what I like about Martha - she's NOTHING like Paula Deen or, as we call her in my house, Mrs. Mayonnaise.

Quickfire Challenge was making a one-pot meal. (C'mon now, didn't you howl at the moon when Mrs. Stewart says she always makes one-pot meals at home? Whatever, Martha, as her daughter Alexis would say.)

For the life of me, I can't remember what Stefan made. Little memorable food so far this season. To me, Other Bald Guy pulled it out with a paella. Now that's a smart choice. Tattoo Girl stuck with scallops and almost had Mrs. Stewart's vote.

But Cougar Lady wins - really?? - with her mashed cauliflower and meat. That didn't seem like a one-pot dish to me...See, I told you that I thought Martha was fibbing when she said she often makes one-pot meals...

Then the ladies had a Jersey Girl fist bump. Kind of cute. I like Cougar Lady. Cue the Bruce Springsteen.....

Not so cute: Tattoo Guy getting all pissy with Mrs. Stewart because she didn't like his use of cornstarch to thicken a stew. Hmmm, I'm going with Mistress Martha on this one. Some chefs I've dealt with tend to frown on cornstarch and favor flour - or at least arrowroot - when it comes to a thickening agent.

Jumping to what was essentially a Non-Elimination Challenge: Making a dish based on one of the 12 Days of Christmas.

Tattoo Girl skated here, because I think she would have been a goner. Everyone made a yucky face when talking about her seviche. (Is that what it was?)

Now, why can't anyone on "Top Chef" remember to close a refrigerator door or refrigerate a dish? (Remember Dale last season almost screwed up Stephanie's "Top Chef" win by forgetting to refrigerate one of her dishes?)

This is basic kitchen safety. And since my favorite 5-year-old can can remember to close the fridge, I don't understand why 30-something-year-old PROFESSIONAL chefs have such a problem.

My conspiracy theory mind is working overtime and I think one of the show producers "accidentally" left the door open to create some much needed drama. So far, this season, there have been no crazies or chefs sweating into the food or viewer friendly personalities other than the European Union of Fabio and Stefan . Oh, I have no proof about my conspiracy theory, just a thought....

So the chefs leave the barn door open, so to speak, and Other Bald Guy is left with spoiled pork; and Girl Who Wouldn't Make Indian Food has spoiled duck.

All the chefs pitch in to help out their colleagues, and Other Bald Guy and Girl Who Is Now Making Indian Food make THE BEST DISHES EVER!

Cue the sappy music, this is "A Very Special 'Top Chef' Christmas."

Everyone gets to stay this episode! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!

Yak. Barf. Bah-humbug.

At least Tom gives the audience a little stocking stuffer by smacking down the chefs for making boring, ordinary food. Grinchy good stuff!

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and his real name is Colicchio.

Celebrity chef or just schlocky celebrity?

I've been known to beat up Rocco DiSpirito, who has popped up as a guest judge on "Top Chef", for becoming a big sell-out.

He forever lost my favor when he began shilling Fancy Feast gourmet cat food.

Now, The New York Times is joining in on the smackdown.