Top Chef recap

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE OUTCOME FROM LAST NIGHT, DON'T READ. SPOILER ALERT******

Top Chef returned last night at 10 p.m. with 16 aspiring cheftestants.

So what did you think?

First thoughts: I have no one to root for - just yet.

My, my isn't this season one big cocky EGO FEST? Actually, I was savoring the smackdowns to come.

Andrew, the profanity spewing, do-you-kiss-your-mom-with-that-mouth guy actually cracked me up. (Though those crazy eyes of his made me wonder if he was off his meds.) My favorite Andrew line of the night was when Richard pulled a mini smoker out to flavor crab cakes: "You're like Felix, dude, a whole bag of tricks."

Wasn't at all surprised about the deep-dish pizza Quickfire Challenge, so why were the contestants?

Um, you're in CHICAGO. Deep-dish pizza is as much a part of the town as the Cubs. Don't these people do their homework?

Right now, I kind of like earnest, funky hair - again contestants with weird hair, what's up with that - Richard, the peach/Taleggio/sweet tea pizza guy. I usually hate pizza with sweet toppings. Sorry, but Hawaiian pizza is a travesty and should never have any place in a pizza oven. (Just say no to pineapple and pizza!) But I think I'd give Richard's pizza a try.

Some of other toppings - butternut squash, marmite (!) one of the most ghastly tasting food items on the planet - didn't really do much for me. (And Stephanie, putting proscuitto in the oven??. In Italy, they always drape it on top - after the pizza comes out of the oven.)

Elimination round: Two chefs each try to make a classic dish such as souffle, lasagna, chicken piccata, steak au poire. Now, this is what makes Top Chef so cool. If you're going to be a Top Chef, you have to know the classics.

So - wow - it was downright painful to hear Ryan give his version of chicken piccata - breaded?? no lemon??? tomatoes?? dude what are you smoking??? - and he couldn't have been more wrong. Loved, loved, loved Colicchio SLAMMING him for being such a dunce. (And Ryan was the guy patting himself on the back for cooking since he was 11.)

The souffle showdown was so sorry. Erik - Mr. Hairy Spider Eyebrows - turned out pepperjack souffle -uh, ugh - that was made with MASHED POTATOES? Is this a joke? So was his sloppy plate.

But Nimma's shrimp scampi and side dish of CAULIFLOWER FLAN OR SCRAMBLE was the sorriest excuse for a classic dish of the night. And, rightly, she was shown the door.

I'm no big Rocco DiSpirito supporter, but the Big Roc stepped up to the plate last night as guest judge. Maybe, I'll forgive him now for endorsing gourmet catfood.

And, any episode with Bourdain is a winner in my book.