Harsh words, indeed

Readers and restaurateurs regularly grouse about "mean-spirited" comments in reviews, and get upset that critics are at times too harsh. Considering we're only being "harsh" in order to protect diners and prompt restaurants to give everyone their money's worth, these sudden bouts of sympathy for the "hard-working" cooks who serve us bad food have always struck me as curious -- especially when you consider how the Brits handle things. Overseas, critics are revered (and reviled) for their venomous tongues, and artful exaggeration is part and parcel of their tart assessments. Here are a few excerpts from the British press, from a GuardianUnlimited article -- maybe they'll help you see that Delaware restaurants could have gotten off a lot worse.

"The herb crust (with the cod) could have been adapted, with minimal effort, for use in germ warfare. After all that, the only sensible answer to the question 'Would you like anything for dessert?' is, 'Ah, you're very kind, I'll have the Listermint and a large spittoon.' "
Matthew Norman, The Sunday Telegraph

"Slow-baked cheese-and-onion tart - snot in a box. Grilled kipper - postman's Odor Eater. ... The duck pate was interesting. It was also a Kurdish insurgent duck that had been interrogated to death by Turkish policemen using rubber hoses, then left in a warm, damp cupboard to emulsify. Coq au vin was thick-skinned chicken knuckles soaked in tepid Brylcreem and aftershave."
AA Gill, The Sunday Times

"Occasionally, you come across a restaurant that causes you to question the very nature of human existence. Now, I can't be sure of this, but I got the impression from the menu that the food has a Vietnamese slant to it. [What] looked like a sea mine in miniature was the most disgusting thing I've put in my mouth since I ate earthworms at school. ... On second thoughts, I preferred the worms."
Matthew Fort, The Guardian

Bottom line -- do I (and thousands of others) seek out and enjoy dining reviews by the likes of the archly incisive AA Gill? Absolutely. Do I believe everything he writes is relevant, helpful or even fair (within the ideological framework of critical writing) to the restaurants or readers? Probably not. But in the evolving world of infotainment-as-journalism, it seems to fit an aptly modern niche, and serve to at least compel and agitate, goals that some journalists seem to have forsaken these days.