Was last night's episode a gift or a big lump of coal?
I'm leaning toward coal.
First off, it's kind of goofy the way the cheftestants have to act like it's Christmas when, in reality, it was really Christmas in July or August or some other warm weather month.
And those holiday decorations? Cheese-ball. I also hated that the theme for the Elimination Challenge was based on the 12 Days of Christmas. Bigggggg, strettttccchhhh...
And since I'm so cranky this morning, why is everyone still sleeping in bunk beds? (Geez, what is the Bravo budget?) I know I've harped on this before, but you really shouldn't have to sleep in a bunk bed pass the age of 12.
OK, I just took a Christmas cookie/coffee break to settle down my inner Crankenstein.
Now onto guest judge and my favorite ex-con Martha Stewart.
Let me say, I adore Mrs. Stewart. (Photo above is Martha at Winterthur's Point-to-Point with George "Frolic" Weymouth.) She's a control freak wack-a-doodle, but she's my control freak wack-a-doodle.
There's nothing warm and cuddly about Martha. Nada. Zilch. She's the complete opposite of Paula Deen, whom I like to think of as a salty Mrs. Santa. And that's what I like about Martha - she's NOTHING like Paula Deen or, as we call her in my house, Mrs. Mayonnaise.
Quickfire Challenge was making a one-pot meal. (C'mon now, didn't you howl at the moon when Mrs. Stewart says she always makes one-pot meals at home? Whatever, Martha, as her daughter Alexis would say.)
For the life of me, I can't remember what Stefan made. Little memorable food so far this season. To me, Other Bald Guy pulled it out with a paella. Now that's a smart choice. Tattoo Girl stuck with scallops and almost had Mrs. Stewart's vote. 
But Cougar Lady wins - really?? - with her mashed cauliflower and meat. That didn't seem like a one-pot dish to me...See, I told you that I thought Martha was fibbing when she said she often makes one-pot meals...
Then the ladies had a Jersey Girl fist bump. Kind of cute. I like Cougar Lady. Cue the Bruce Springsteen.....
Not so cute: Tattoo Guy getting all pissy with Mrs. Stewart because she didn't like his use of cornstarch to thicken a stew. Hmmm, I'm going with Mistress Martha on this one. Some chefs I've dealt with tend to frown on cornstarch and favor flour - or at least arrowroot - when it comes to a thickening agent.
Jumping to what was essentially a Non-Elimination Challenge: Making a dish based on one of the 12 Days of Christmas.
Tattoo Girl skated here, because I think she would have been a goner. Everyone made a yucky face when talking about her seviche. (Is that what it was?)
Now, why can't anyone on "Top Chef" remember to close a refrigerator door or refrigerate a dish? (Remember Dale last season almost screwed up Stephanie's "Top Chef" win by forgetting to refrigerate one of her dishes?)
This is basic kitchen safety. And since my favorite 5-year-old can can remember to close the fridge, I don't understand why 30-something-year-old PROFESSIONAL chefs have such a problem.
My conspiracy theory mind is working overtime and I think one of the show producers "accidentally" left the door open to create some much needed drama. So far, this season, there have been no crazies or chefs sweating into the food or viewer friendly personalities other than the European Union of Fabio and Stefan . Oh, I have no proof about my conspiracy theory, just a thought....
So the chefs leave the barn door open, so to speak, and Other Bald Guy is left with spoiled pork; and Girl Who Wouldn't Make Indian Food has spoiled duck.
All the chefs pitch in to help out their colleagues, and Other Bald Guy and Girl Who Is Now Making Indian Food make THE BEST DISHES EVER!
Cue the sappy music, this is "A Very Special 'Top Chef' Christmas."
Everyone gets to stay this episode! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!
Yak. Barf. Bah-humbug.
At least Tom gives the audience a little stocking stuffer by smacking down the chefs for making boring, ordinary food. Grinchy good stuff!
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and his real name is Colicchio.
4 comments:
I think Stefan made chicken pot pie? I forget what day that was supposed to correspond to. Wasn't it hysterical when Martha mentioned diving for scallops in Maine in January!!! A true "whatever Martha" moment.
I forgot Mrs. Stewart talking about diving for scallops! Classic Martha Moment. Just when you think you've heard everything, dear, sweet, Martha hands you a little nugget of gold. This, my friends, is yet another example why 'Top Chef' is the best show on TV.
I loved how Martha just came out and said that she HATED a dish. I also wondered if there was some producer sabotage...it all just worked out too perfectly for a Christmas episode.
Stefan made a goulash for the quickfire and tattoo-girl made a "Crudo of Sea Scallop in Vichyssoise" which was room temp...mmmm slimy luke warm scallop. I thought Tom was right on the money. A lot of the food made so far is kind of boring and not executed very well. So far this cast has been kind of weak. Looking forward to the next episode though.
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